


dream sweet

by animefreek



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, MSBY Black Jackals - Freeform, Sickfic, hi im new here idk what to tag this with, title is bc my editor said so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28726041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animefreek/pseuds/animefreek
Summary: atsumu fall sick with an unheard of illness with seemingly no treatment. him and sakusa battle the adversity that follows and comfort each other along the way.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	dream sweet

most people would be shocked to see sakusa kiyoomi taking such close and attentive care of someone with such a serious illness. and normally, sakusa wouldn't think of putting in the effort he was and had been for the last couple of months over someone who was sick.

but that was before miya atsumu was diagnosed. and before sakusa fell in love with him.

the two had met in high school, but hadn't become close until they played together with the MSBY black jackals. despite their seemingly opposite personalities, the two got along in an interesting way, which often involved lots of bickering and teasing from both ends.

everyone knew about sakusa's opposition to germs of any kind, and atsumu slowly became hyper aware of his own cleanliness as he grew closer to, and started to feel attraction towards sakusa, which didn't go unnoticed.

kiyoomi had been the one to confess first, which came as a surprise only to atsumu. everyone else saw it as painfully obvious that the two of them were obsessed with one another, almost to a fault.

sakusa knew that dating atsumu would be an adjustment. he'd never been in a relationship before, much less something as serious as he felt this one to be. however, he never expected it to turn this direction.

atsumu simply went into the doctor's office for a checkup. he'd been feeling fatigued and nauseous for a couple of days, and sakusa insisted that he get it checked out.

being as stubborn as he always was, atsumu refused at first. but, as the hours and days dragged by with no change, he reluctantly followed sakusa's orders and made himself an appointment.

at first, it had just been determined that atsumu had a mild bacterial infection, and that he just needed some cough syrup and proper rest. at that point, sakusa had kept his distance from his boyfriend. it wasn't fun to stay apart, even if it was just until atsumu was better, but they managed.

until another week of worsening symptoms passed. as well as getting sicker, atsumu was getting restless. he hadn't been able to see sakusa in person for a week now, and he hadn't touched a volleyball in two. still, he was convinced that he'd get over this and be back soon.

sakusa, however, was getting less and less convinced of that. he was a natural pessimist, so it made sense that he was also extra worried for atsumu's continued illness. 

eventually, he told atsumu to schedule a follow up appointment. even if they told him the exact same thing, sakusa was growing impatient waiting to see his boyfriend again, he also needed to know if there was something seriously wrong.

if atsumu didn't care about sakusa's feelings as much as he did, he would have blown off the second doctor's visit. but he did care, immensely, so he went back.

the nurse in the office had started by running a couple of basic tests on atsumu: blood pressure, heart rate, temperature, and a couple of others that atsumu wasn't exactly sure what the purpose of them was.

he texted sakusa as much as he could in between every test. he watched the nurse's face carefully for signs on how he was doing, and he didn't like what he was seeing.

with every measurement and number she wrote down on atsumu's sheet, her face either scrunched in confusion or widened in shock. now his stomach was in knots out of nervousness as well as nausea.

he waited hours, updating kiyoomi constantly the entire time, as well as trying to calm his own nerves. 

it's just a nasty cold, he told himself. i'll be fine, it's just taking a while. calm down.

despite sakusa's and his own reassurances, atsumu's nervousness didn't falter.

sakusa was growing anxious just by texting atsumu. he really, really wished he had gone with him; despite his own fears of germs and such, the fear that something was seriously wrong with atsumu was far worse.

eventually, after hours of waiting in agonizing worry, the nurse came back into the room where atsumu had waited and told him that he was dealing with something quite serious. something that they weren't sure the cause or the cure of.

he'd been expecting bad news, but not this. he didn't understand how they just didn't know what was wrong with him. all she told him was that he was really sick and he'd have to come back tomorrow for more blood work.

as soon as he was back in his car, with a stack of papers and more anxiety than what he walked in with, atsumu called sakusa. he wanted- needed- to hear his voice.

even though it had been a while since atsumu last texted with an update, sakusa answered the call on the first ring.

"hello? is anything wrong? i can meet you there if you need me to," sakusa said quickly, the pent up worry in him shining through, even over the phone.

atsumu smiled sadly upon hearing sakusa. he'd been longing to hear his voice since he'd walked into the doctors office that morning. but now that he had that, he also had to tell kiyoomi what the nurse had told him. 

above almost anything, atsumu hated disappointing sakusa. and he knew that bad news would be devastating for him to hear, especially since it was regarding health. 

"you don't need to come here," atsumu said shakily, "um. but the nurse said that whatever this is, that i have- it's serious. and they don't know how to fix it."

sakusa sat in shocked silence. he wasn't sure he'd heard atsumu right. it's just a cold, it had to be just a cold, he thought.

when he didn't get any reply, atsumu continued talking. 

"i still feel the same, don't go freaking out on me. it's just- well, i guess it's a little bit scary, huh omi?"

"atsumu-" sakusa started, getting up from where he'd been sitting on his couch, "i'll meet you at your apartment in twenty, okay?"

"what? no, omi, i'm really fine. you don't have to," atsumu insisted, not wanting to make sakusa uncomfortable with the risk of spreading whatever it was that he had.

"atsumu, i'm serious. i'm coming over, it's really fine. i'll pick up food on the way."

now that sakusa mentioned eating, atsumu realized how hungry he was. his appointment had been in the morning, but given the numerous tests that had to be done and the already crowded doctors office, it was well into the afternoon now.

atsumu sighed softly, "okay then. see you in twenty."

atsumu never wanted to make sakusa uncomfortable in any way, and he was always mindful of himself when they were together, but he was scared for himself. the nurses and doctors didn't know what was wrong with him, and that was terrifying.

he reminded himself as he drove to his apartment that he didn't feel any worse than he had this morning, that he was just freaking out. it was easy enough to convince himself that he'd be fine, but atsumu was worried about how sakusa would truly react.

he'd be concerned, of course, anybody with a normal amount of empathy would be, but this was unprecedented. the thought of potentially endangering sakusa was almost scarier to atsumu than the actual prospect of his illness.

when he arrived home, atsumu could already see sakusa's car parked just a couple of spots over from him. he took a deep breath and put his black jackals branded mask on. before stepping out.

sakusa had been watching for atsumu's car to pull into the parking lot for five minutes before he finally arrived. obviously he was feeling anxious, but just seeing atsumu made him feel just a little bit better.

he got out of his own car and stood in front of the door to atsumu's apartment building with a bag of food in one hand and another with various medicines, tissues, and cough drops.

atsumu hadn't seen sakusa in weeks, and it took all of the restraint within himself to not run up to him and wrap him in his arms.

atsumu had often been labeled as selfish or inconsiderate, which even he deemed to be true at times. but with sakusa he was completely different.

when he was with sakusa, he was all that atsumu could focus on. he didn't have the capacity to be selfish because he was so head over heels for sakusa.

"i've missed you so much," he said, eyes misty as he held himself back from sakusa.

"i've missed you more," sakusa replied, "how are you feeling?"

atsumu opened the door for sakusa as he answered, "still the same as i've been feeling. now it's just a little bit more confusing."

sakusa was blown away at atsumu's apparent optimism; his situation was grim at best, and he was still cracking jokes.

the two of them sat down on the couch, a couple of feet between them for safety. they both hated the distance, especially after not having seen each other for so long, but this wasn't just a cold they were dealing with.

but after a day full of stress and waiting, atsumu was thrilled to be back home with sakusa, even if it was from a slight distance.

"tsumu," sakusa said quietly, observing atsumu's face as he spoke, "are you- are you sure that you're okay? you look pale."

"aw omi, i'm fine. i wouldn't have let you in if i wasn't doing okay. i won't get you sick, i promise," atsumu replied, his lightheartedness fading just for a moment.

even despite kiyoomi's incessant reassurance that he wasn't uncomfortable being here, atsumu was still very cautious and aware of his own behavior, as well as his circumstances.

"no, it's not that. i'm not worried about you getting me sick. i'm just worried about you," sakusa replied, slightly frustrated.

atsumu's expression turned serious now, "kiyoomi, i'm fine. i'd tell you if i wasn't, honestly. i'm not going anywhere."

when atsumu finished talking, he started coughing. he turned away cursed at himself mentally. even though it was entirely out of his control, it was poor timing on his immune system's part. 

sakusa was uncharacteristically unbothered by this. he scooted closer to atsumu and grabbed the hem of his hoodie and played with the fabric gently between his fingers. 

"i know you'll be fine. that doesn't make it less scary, though. i love you a lot, atsumu," sakusa said, eyes falling to watch his hands as he tried to hide his blush.

atsumu, turning his head back to face sakusa when he was done coughing, was at a loss for words. he never thought he'd hear sakusa kiyoomi admit that he's scared. he'd always been tough, or at least presented that way. 

atsumu couldn't help but feel guilty for bringing whatever this was into sakusa's life. even beyond his obvious disdain for germs and illness, sakusa was still an incredible person and atsumu felt awful for giving him this much stress. 

"omi- i'm so sorry," he said, only barely holding back his tears.

sakusa looked up to atsumu now, and saw his eyes welling up. this hadn't been his intention at all, to make atsumu cry, he had just said that he was scared, and he was. 

he battled his own instincts for a moment, but eventually reached his hand out to wipe away a single tear from atsumu's face.

"we'll get through this together, okay?" he said softly, his hand pulling atsumu's face up just a little bit so that they could make eye contact. 

sakusa pulled his hand away from atsumu's face now, and set it back in the space between the two of them.

atsumu sniffed slightly and looked at sakusa lovingly.

"damn. you're incredible. i really wish i could kiss you right now," he said, voice sitting just above a whisper.

sakusa laughed, "you'll be able to soon enough. i'll be waiting."

atsumu seemed content with that answer, and grabbed the tv remote to turn on a movie while they ate. 

sakusa had moved himself slightly farther away from atsumu while they were eating, but when they were both finished, he moved back- closer than he had been before.

there was still enough room between them that another person could probably fit, but that itself was enough that sakusa had to remind himself who he was with and how much he cared about him.

atsumu had picked some random action movie that sakusa had never even heard of, which was perfect. sakusa didn't actually spend much time watching the movie, instead focusing on atsumu and how his features shifted every time he let out a cough or a sniffle. 

sakusa thoroughly hated seeing atsumu like this. sure, he was thankful that he was seeing him at all, but he didn't have the usual spark that had caught sakusa's attention when they first met back in high school.

that wasn't to say that atsumu was any less attractive, but it did serve to remind sakusa how much he'd really missed atsumu. he missed playing volleyball with him, he missed going on actual dates, and he hated that there was an invisible barrier between them now.

it had taken so much for sakusa to drop his guard enough around atsumu for them to be together, and this felt like a set back to both of them. 

sakusa screamed internally at himself. if only he wasn't so caught up in his overwhelming fear, he'd still be able to be with atsumu. actually with him and not sitting separately on the couch. 

sakusa was sensible enough to know that he hadn't caused atsumu's illness. but he couldn't help but blame himself for the distance between them right now and he hated himself for that. 

"atsumu," he whispered, "im sorry." 

atsumu paused the movie, "hm?"

sakusa sighed, "i'm really sorry i'm like this. i'm weird and you deserve someone who would actually be there for you when you're sick instead of me who's too freaked out to even sit next to you and-"

"kiyoomi. what in the world are you even saying right now?"

"i'm just sorry, is all. this whole thing really, really sucks and i want to be there for you but," sakusa tried explaining, before atsumu interrupted again.

"omi, you're right here. that's all i could ever ask for. you're perfect."

in that moment, atsumu had never wanted to kiss anyone more. he didn't, of course, but he was utterly in awe at how clueless his boyfriend was.

sakusa tried looking away, but atsumu wouldn't let him.

"look at me, babe. i know it's hard for you sometimes, and i know i don't always make it easy on you. but we'll get through this, okay?"

that moment, right then, was when sakusa realized how entirely in love with atsumu he was. here he was, consoling him, when he was the one with the mystery disease. sakusa laughed at that thought, and smiled fondly at atsumu.

"i love you," he said simply.

atsumu coughed before he could reply, "i love you too, omi."

another week passed, atsumu's symptoms remained exactly how they were: bearable, but insanely annoying. 

when it was time for him to go back into the doctor's office, he was reasonably pretty nervous. obviously it sucked being sick, but it was even worse knowing they didn't know what it was or how to fix it. 

he had agreed, if he had time, to text and call sakusa as much as possible while he was getting more tests done.

"as if you even have to tell me," he had teased sakusa when he demanded that atsumu keep him updated.

"listen- i'd be going into that appointment with you if they'd let me," sakusa replied. "just text me every once in a while, please?"

"of course," atsumu said, a grin growing wide underneath the mask that he wore almost all the time now (especially around sakusa).

holding true to that promise, atsumu sent a picture of himself while the nurse was drawing blood from his left arm and sent it to sakusa, with a message that read:

this really sucks. wish you were here <3

he got a reply almost immediately, and opened the notification to sakusa scolding him and telling him that he'd better not be messing around while the nurses are working.

atsumu laughed softly at that, and turned his phone back off. 

it was undeniably hard to be in his position. his entire life as he knew it had been obliterated. being sick was a normal part of life, but this certainly wasn't. he hated not knowing what was wrong and not being able to fix it.

the nurse had given atsumu a bottle of water before leaving the room to analyze the different data that they'd collected over the last two appointments.

he waited for well over an hour before anybody came back in with answers. every couple of minutes somebody different would come in and ask atsumu if he needed anything, to which he always replied with a quick "no."

what he needed was answers. and maybe his boyfriend to be there with him, but he mostly just wanted to know what in the world was wrong with him so that they could both relax.

eventually, a new doctor that atsumu hadn't seen before walked in.

"miya atsumu?" he asked, holding his hand out to atsumu.

atsumu tried not to look too apprehensive as he shook the doctors hand warily, unused to physical contact after mostly isolating himself for weeks.

"that's me," he replied, voice shaking.

"wonderful. thank you for waiting for us, we know it must not be easy," the doctor told him, sitting down in the chair across from atsumu and looking at him sympathetically.

atsumu didn't reply. obviously it isn't easy waiting on results that weren't certain to come in, but he didn't want to sound snarky or ungrateful that they were putting even this much effort into figuring this out.

"so, we've done about as many tests as we can do. and well, we're still not sure exactly what it is that you have."

atsumu felt his heart drop. he'd been hoping that this was all a mistake and that he just had a really nasty, prolonged cold.

"however," the doctor continued, "we have been able to find out some small details about it. we were correct in thinking that it stems from a bacterial infection, similar to a cold, but obviously taking antibiotics hasn't been working."

atsumu nodded and pretended like he knew what any of this meant for him. all he was truly hearing was that he was screwed. he didn't want to live the rest of his life like this, and he especially didn't want sakusa to have to live his life like this either.

"which is a positive and negative, depending on how you look at it. on the bright side, it's not contagious. however, we have no idea how to combat it. we'll be meeting with a group of professionals later this week to discuss your tests, and we'll call if you if we find anything out."

now atsumu was listening. he had almost entirely tuned the doctor out after he said the words "not contagious." what else did atsumu care to hear? 

the doctor left, but atsumu felt like he'd just won the lottery. he wasted no time in calling sakusa as soon as he was outside the building.

kiyoomi picked up on the first ring, eagerly waiting to hear from atsumu.

"omi!" atsumu shouted, causing sakusa to flinch away from the phone.

"atsumu, jeez, maybe don't blow my eardrums out? what is it?" sakusa replied.

"where are you right now?" atsumu asked excitedly. 

"that's what you called me for? why does that matter? did you get any news?"

atsumu sighed as sakusa's stubbornness, which also caused him to cough as he continued talking.

"where are you omi? i have big news. but i think you might want to hear it in person."

sakusa raised an eyebrow in interest, "i'm at my apartment, door's open. drive safely." 

"perfect. i'll be there soon," atsumu replied, smiling widely as he hung up the call and clicked the key into ignition.

sure, the news he had received wasn't entirely positive; they still didn't know the cause of this or how to cure it, but all atsumu cared about was that he could see sakusa now. really see him. hold his hand, kiss him; his heart fluttered just thinking about it.

it wasn't long before atsumu had arrived outside of sakusa's apartment, heart racing with anticipation, excitement, and maybe just a little bit because he was sick.

atsumu pulled out sakusa's spare key, and let himself in. he opened the door slowly only to be immediately wrapped in a tight hug.

"omi? what-" atsumu shouted, taken completely off guard.

"i don't care. whatever it is, just tell me. i don't even care if i get sick right now. god, just please tell me you're okay?"

atsumu returned the hug and replied, "i'm fine, kiyoomi. really, i'm fine. that's what i was going to tell you before you attacked me!"

sakusa pulled away from atsumu now, "wait. you're okay? like- totally fine?"

"well, not exactly," atsumu started explaining. sakusa's face fell and atsumu quickly continued talking, "i'm still sick and they still know pretty much nothing about it. but, i'm not contagious!"

sakusa sighed and smiled tiredly. originally he'd been expecting terrible news, and then when atsumu said he was fine, he was ready for great news. this sat somewhere painfully in between. certainly it could be a lot worse, but it was very unexpected and unpredictable.

sakusa wasn't quite sure why atsumu was so excited to hear that he was still indefinitely sick.

"omi, are you even hearing me? we don't have to stay apart now! why do you look so sad?" atsumu said, still talking unreasonably loud out of excitement.

sakusa just raised an eyebrow and laughed, "you're so ridiculous, how could i not hear you? come here," he said, bringing a hand up gently to atsumu's jawline and pulling him in for a kiss.

atsumu pulled away quickly, smiling, and once again caught off guard, "jeez omi, i missed you too."

"whatever," sakusa replied, rolling his eyes slightly and pulling atsumu back in to kiss him; this time with more intensity.

atsumu couldn't help but smile as he kissed sakusa. he'd missed this for almost a month now, and he could feel all of the pent up emotion coming out now. 

being with kiyoomi always brought a sense of calm to atsumu, no matter how chaotic his life was. even with the passion and fire behind this kiss, atsumu still felt the nerves and dread he'd felt all day melt away.

eventually sakusa pulled away, holding atsumu loosely and gently in his arms as he looked him up and down, admiring him.

atsumu was half tempted to throw in a half-joking, "ya like what you see, omi?" but he refrained, choosing to savor this moment in its sweetness. 

perhaps there was a little bit of bitterness mixed in, but neither atsumu nor sakusa really felt it. they felt untouchable in that moment, as the afternoon sun turned the sky shades of pink in the large window beyond them. they felt like despite all of the insanity and uncertainty, they'd be okay as long as they had each other.

they spent the rest of the evening, and truthfully- the rest of the week- attached at the hip, absorbed entirely in their mutual feeling of invulnerability. 

the next week was another check up for atsumu. they'd both made several phone calls in, asking if sakusa could accompany him, only to receive the same, unwanted answer over and over again.

as frustrating as it was, they had started falling into something of a routine with these weekly appointments. it was annoying for atsumu, having to go in every week only to hear the same thing, but as long as he was feeling as relatively well as he was, he didn't care too much. 

throughout the month since he'd fallen sick, atsumu had only really developed a pesky cough, occasional sneezing, and some pretty nasty nausea.

he was still a long way from returning to volleyball, but he and sakusa both remained hopeful. they had no reason not to.

sakusa and atsumu spent every spare moment together. sakusa still had practices and games to attend, which atsumu always watched from one of their apartments. obviously he'd much rather be there and be able to play with his team, but for the time being, he was okay with this arrangement.

his symptoms were the exact same, for about three more weeks. that's not to say that the usual coughing and tiredness was fun, but after a certain point, atsumu took a turn for the worse.

at first, it had been impossible to notice that anything was worse than usual. sakusa had been constantly checking in on atsumu and his health, and even he hadn't noticed a change.

it had started as just a slight fever, which sakusa had taken note of, but not thought very much of. frankly, he'd been shocked that atsumu hadn't had a fever sooner.

his coughing and sneezing grew more unbearable, but they both figured that that was just because it had been two months of all of this. 

sakusa thought he'd have to worry a lot more about atsumu's mental state going through all of this, but he kept up a good enough front that he had almost convinced himself that he would be 100% fine soon. although, deep down, atsumu wasn't so sure.

at the beginning of all of this it hadn't even been a doubt in his head that he'd be fine. but now, as his symptoms progressed along with time, he was growing less and less sure. 

he still wasn't feeling any better, and as of recently, he'd been struggling to pull himself out of bed in the morning to go see sakusa. he only did so out of sheer stubbornness and devotion, but it was still a challenge. 

everything atsumu did anymore made him out of breath and sweaty. he blamed part of that on his fever, but even he knew that it was likely more than just that. he had gotten used to as much of it as he could, or so he thought.

him and sakusa were spending the day together in atsumu's apartment. that's how most days went for them nowadays, as it grew increasingly difficult for atsumu to get up and drive himself to sakusa. 

they were watching a random volleyball match on tv when atsumu felt a coughing fit coming. 

he'd been snuggled closely to sakusa, nearly sitting in his lap, so moving aside so that he didn't hack all over him was anything but a graceful maneuver.

sakusa winced as atsumu coughed; it sounded about as painful as it was. it wasn't a very rare occurrence for atsumu to cough like he was trying to get rid of a lung, but immediately he felt something off.

then, as he pulled away from his elbow, he saw an unnerving amount of blood on his sweatshirt where he had been coughing. panic set in immediately as he turned even farther away from sakusa. 

it was bad enough that atsumu could hardly go thirty minutes without getting into one of these fits, but now he was coughing up blood?

he wiped at the corners of his mouth, and he almost couldn't stand to look at his hand. all he had accomplished was to further cover himself in his own blood, much to his own horror. 

"you okay?" sakusa asked, standing up from the couch.

atsumu struggled to form words over his own fear and panic. he stuttered out a quick, "'mm fine," before he was coughing again.

then sakusa saw it. in the corner of his elbow was a considerably large blood stain. his instincts immediately took over as he forced atsumu's head away from his arm and facing him.

"oh my god," sakusa muttered quietly to himself.

atsumu flipped right from his own panic to trying to keep sakusa from doing the same.

"omi- omi i'm fine. no freaking out on me right now, i'm okay," atsumu said quickly, followed by another round of coughing.

"atsumu!" sakusa shouted in desperation. he didn't know; there were a million thoughts racing through his head, most of them freaking out exactly like atsumu was trying to keep him from doing.

"kiyoomi, really. i'm okay. little bit of blood never killed anyone," atsumu demanded, although he certainly didn't feel as great as he was trying to appear.

"yeah, well this isn't exactly a little bit of blood. get in my car. i'm taking you to the hospital," sakusa said, leaving the living room and going to grab his keys.

atsumu didn't have time to protest, and truthfully, he knew that it was probably better for him not to, considering the amount of blood he was still coughing up.

atsumu truthfully thought that he'd gotten used to all of the coughing. this was an entirely different beast. even if it wasn't a cough, atsumu felt like every breath he took was ripping its way through his throat.

sakusa had to remind himself to breathe as they rushed out to his car. he felt like he was suffocating, like the air around him was closing in on him, trying to squish him like a bug.

they were both completely panicked, as would be expected. atsumu hadn't even gotten the chance to change out of his now blood covered sweatshirt, but he figured if he kept this up there wouldn't have been a point to changing anyways.

as strong as he'd remained since his very first trip into the doctor's office, atsumu was on the verge of breaking now. seeing his blood staining his hands, seeing how much stress he was putting sakusa under; it was all too much for him.

before he could even realize it and stop himself, tears were streaming down atsumu's face, mixing with the blood that was smeared on his cheeks as well. it was truthfully a pitiful sight, which only made him feel that much worse.

sakusa didn't notice atsumu crying at first, but when he started sniffling and shaking, sakusa did all he could not to rip his eyes off of the road in front of them and look to atsumu.

"atsumu? are you okay? what's wrong?" sakusa said, scared that something else was wrong health wise.

atsumu let out a lamentable sniff and tried to call himself down enough so that his words wouldn't come out as sobs.

"i'm okay. i'm okay, aren't i, omi?"

"yeah, baby, you're okay. you're more than okay. you'll be fine," sakusa replied, blinking his own tears away.

atsumu couldn't reply, as he was into another coughing fit. everything in his entire body burned and ached. he'd been barely holding himself up for days, and now his own body was turning against him.

the rest of the short distance to the nearest hospital was spent miserably. atsumu could barely breathe, and sakusa could only sit there and drive as fast as he could.

the second kiyoomi found a parking spot, he ripped open his door and rushed to atsumu's, who was only just holding onto consciousness. not seeing much other choice, sakusa sighed quickly and undid atsumu's seatbelt.

if he wasn't in an urgent rush, maybe sakusa would have been more gentle picking atsumu up. but for as much as atsumu was miserable, sakusa's only focus was getting him into the hospital as quickly as his own body would allow him to.

carrying and checking atsumu into the hospital was a whirlwind. if he could form words without spitting out more blood, atsumu would have protested being carried in, but he couldn't even come close.

now, all they could do was wait. sakusa set atsumu down in the chair next to his, the latter immediately slumping back into it, exhausted from the sheer effort it took to cough up that much blood.

although atsumu didn't have the consciousness to care, sakusa couldn't help but feel awkward and out of place in the hospital, with atsumu covered in blood. he fidgeted in his seat restlessly, waiting impatiently for atsumu's name to be called.

atsumu, even in his weak state, could tell how anxious sakusa was right now. he reached his non-bloody hand over and grabbed sakusa's rubbing small circles into it with his thumb.

eventually, after a painstakingly long wait, a pair of nurses came out and called for atsumu. sakusa knew that he couldn't go with him now, he could only sit here and worry.

~~~

an hour later and sakusa was still waiting. anxiety and panic were eating away at him the longer that time carried on without hearing anything.

after another long while, a different nurse that sakusa didn't recognize from earlier came out, asking for anyone here for miya atsumu.

sakusa practically jumped out of his seat and ran to the nurse, "what's going on? is he okay?" 

the nurse sighed lightly, "he's fine now. we had to rush him into emergency surgery. turns out there was a lot more wrong with him than just a scratchy throat. he's not on any iv's, so he can go home soon, but-" the nurse stopped speaking for a moment, driving sakusa absolutely wild.

"but what?" he asked, voice probably a little bit too aggressive for the occasion, but he didn't care.

"well, it's not looking great for him. we've been working with his regular doctor concerning this mysterious disease he's contracted, and we're assuming that this is related," she explained.

obviously, sakusa wanted to say, his impatience was growing with every passing second, but he stayed quiet.

"we're not sure if or how long he'll make it after the surgery," she said sadly, before sakusa could interrupt her.

"excuse me? what the hell do you mean you're not sure if he'll make it? you can't do anything about it? he was perfectly fine earlier! did something happen in surgery?" sakusa was fully aware that he was hysterical, and he couldn't possibly care less.

"nothing happened in surgery, his condition is just very rare," the nurse explained patiently, considering sakusa's outrage.

"obviously! but there has to be something you can do!" sakusa pleaded.

"we've done what we can. you can take him home once we wake him up from the anesthesia. and for all we know, he could be fine. i just needed to give you a heads up on what to expect. if anything like this happens again, take him back in and we'll see what we can do."

sakusa pursed his lips together, holding back another round of shouting. he knew it wasn't this woman's fault for atsumu's health, but that didn't make him any less pissed as he walked back into the waiting room.

he had to sit for another thirty minutes before the first pair of nurses brought atsumu out in a wheelchair. 

sakusa stood up quickly and rushed over to atsumu, who looked incredibly pale and truthfully- about as bad as the other nurse had made it seem.

"hey omi," atsumu said tiredly, with a grin on his face that absolutely didn't match what was happening.

"atsumu," sakusa said breathlessly, before turning to the nurses that were still behind atsumu.

"you'll need to keep a close eye on him," one of them told sakusa, "and of course bring him back in if you need to. we did give him some pain medication, but once that wears off he can take any regular painkillers."

sakusa thanked them profusely, despite how bitter he truly was that there was nothing else being done to ensure that atsumu would be okay. he was frustrated, but he also wanted to take atsumu home as soon as possible.

when they were finally able to leave, they were both thoroughly relieved. neither of them wanted to spend any extra time in that hospital if they absolutely didn't have to.

they were in the car, headed back to atsumu's apartment, when atsumu finally spoke up.

"i'm really sorry omi," he said quietly, looking down at the hospital bracelet on his wrist.

"don't even start that," sakusa said sternly, reaching over to grab atsumu's hand, "don't apologize. this isn't your fault, you'll be fine."

"i- i just don't know anymore, omi. it's scary. they told me i might not make it, did they tell you that? what if i'm not fine?"

sakusa squeezed atsumu's hand gently, not wanting to hurt him but wanting to get his point across, "you're going to be okay, atsumu."

he didn't know what else he could say. sakusa knew just as well as atsumu did that there was a possibility that whatever this was could kill him. the thought made sakusa want to throw up, but he also knew that he couldn't show that to atsumu, so he just dropped the conversation.

they got home quickly enough, and atsumu immediately reclaimed his spot on the couch where they'd been only a couple of hours earlier.

instead of doing the same, sakusa went to atsumu's bedroom to get him a change in clothes. he figured after wearing a bloody sweatshirt, and now a thin hospital gown, that atsumu would appreciate something more comfortable.

when he came back into the living room, sakusa saw atsumu laying on his back across the entire length of the couch. at first it just appeared that atsumu was exhausted, which would make complete and total sense, but as sakusa stepped closer, he could see atsumu's shoulders shaking slightly as he cried into his hands.

"'tsumu," sakusa said, rushing to the couch and kneeling so that he was right next to atsumu, "atsumu, are you okay? what's wrong?"

atsumu wiped his face quickly and turned to face sakusa, "i'm okay right now, omi. just- stay here with me, please."

"of course. here," sakusa replied, handing atsumu a clean hoodie and a pair of shorts.

atsumu groaned as he sat up to change his clothes. his entire body ached immensely and his heart was still racing insanely fast. he felt as if he was about to shut down, but he wasn't about to tell sakusa that. if these were his final moments, atsumu would much rather spend it happily.

sakusa took the brief opportunity where atsumu wasn't taking up the entire couch to sit down where atsumu had been resting his head. if he wasn't so unbearably miserable, atsumu might have made a joke about sakusa stealing his spot; instead, he just laid his head down in sakusa's lap.

sakusa's eyes darted all around atsumu's face. he was still pale, but his cheeks held a light pink blush, indicating his ridiculously high fever that still hadn't gone away.

he ran his fingers through atsumu's blonde hair, pushing it out of his face and gently massaging his scalp.

atsumu closed his eyes in content as he said, "thank you kiyoomi. i know it hadn't been easy taking care of me recently."

sakusa leaned down to kiss atsumu's forehead gently. "you don't need to thank me," he replied softly.

even if he refused to admit it in his mind, sakusa knew deep down that this was atsumu's way of saying goodbye. his eyes welled up with tears, which rolled gently down his cheeks.

"no, i want to," atsumu said, opening his eyes now to meet sakusa's, "i know it's not easy, especially for you. and i really appreciate it."

this time, sakusa placed and even gentler kiss on atsumu's lips before replying, "i'd do it all over a million times if it's for you, atsumu. i love you."

"i love you too, omi. forever," atsumu said, closing his eyes with finality, leaving sakusa alone in a deafening silence.

**Author's Note:**

> i posted this originally on my wattpad oneshots collection, but im kind of proud of it so it’s here too. dingoup on tiktok did an incredible drawing as well for this if you want to go check them out!


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